Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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