I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
