I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
