The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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