i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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