are you still at the devil's house?
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
