Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
