I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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