i can't believe i had my finger in that
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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