I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
