did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
