Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
