Pregnant stripper...not hot.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
