the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
