I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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