nutella sex= disaster
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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