i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
