ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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