i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I think my moral compass just broke
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
