Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So many bounce houses so little time
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize
