So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Life is so much better after having sex.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
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