During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Enjoy the penises
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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