Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So apparently I’m into choking now
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
