Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Drake has all the answers
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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