you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize
