saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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