mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
