What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
