Have you finally orgasmed yet?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
