Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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