Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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