we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I will be naked everywhere
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
