You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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