you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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