Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
