playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
