Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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