Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
