Are we in a gay sports bar?
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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