that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
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