Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
only if we run a train.
done.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
