I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Randomize
