Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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