Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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