the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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