Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
bring money and cleavage
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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