She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Boobs speak an international language.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
