just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
