Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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