After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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