I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
