Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
