Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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