If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
