If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
