The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
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