sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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