It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have tasted many bathrooms
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
