I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
