On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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