if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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