hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
