I think my vagina is haunted
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
