Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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