I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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