Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
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