so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
We named our party play list daddy issues
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
