Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
