Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
