if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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