Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
