organizing the empties. That sober.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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