It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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