Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
My friends, they love my intelligence
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
