I got chris browned last night
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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