I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
