It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Randomize
