Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
