i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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