I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
